Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
