I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
