Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
