ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
