he was CRYING into my vagina
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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