Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
