Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
