You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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