I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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