I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
