I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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