i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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