she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
