the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize