Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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