it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
