idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
