if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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