the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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