my phone needs a breathalizer
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
there is glitter all over my balls
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
