The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
