Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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