Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
