You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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