Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
