Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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