Taylor Swift is so right about you.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
