He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
