His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What drink are we having for lunch?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
