I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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