Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
