You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
