If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
