i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
