The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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