Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
