There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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