True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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