Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
