i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
