he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
