She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
