Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
