I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
