I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
