Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
