life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just invented taco cereal.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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