New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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