My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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