you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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