I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
