I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
