we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
