You really coming over, don't trick.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
