Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
