I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
