You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
