I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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