Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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