just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
