dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Randomize
