I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
