every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
