He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
