I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
