In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
