I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
