So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
