fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize