Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
