I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
