If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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