dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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