The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
