i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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