why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
