just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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