next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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