She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
