i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
