if i can run in heels then i can drive
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i need some magic done to my vagina
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
