If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Who put my cat in the fridge?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
