Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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