Pappa wants mamma naked
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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