Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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