I smell stomach acid.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
