I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
