I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
