Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
